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Post covid grief and future perspective
Long covid: two simple words that I was blissfully unaware of when the pandemic started. Like many others, I thought covid was like the flu and wouldn’t really impact me (longterm). Oh boy was I wrong. Ever since October 2022, those two words have defined my life. Through many ups and downs. Around December 2023 I felt great, I almost thought that it was over. And then came a cold, followed by the worst crash so far. I had very little energy or motivation to write about anything. So I took some time to really focus on what I needed, what my body needed, wat my mind needed. And I…
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Holding on and letting go
These last few months have been very interesting. I’ve been working hard to recover from long covid, even though things have continually been going up and down and I’m hardly a step further than I was mere months ago. I am, however, extremely thankful that I’ve managed to remain mentally stable throughout this ordeal, though it continues to be challenging. Respiratory issues are the pain of my existence nowadays, especially with the heat of the last few weeks. Meanwhile, I have gotten a little better at doing nothing and just sitting with my thoughts. Which has given me time to reflect, to start letting go of the past and focus…
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Unfulfilled potential
About two weeks ago, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. I can’t quite grasp it yet. On the one hand, I feel like I’m still 16, desperately counting down the days till 18. Yet on the other hand, I feel like I’ve already lived a bunch and see 25 inching ever closer. It is difficult because while I don’t care one bit about getting older, I’m starting to feel the weight of the last few years more and more, feeling like I’ve barely accomplished anything. It is absolutely suffocating, this unfulfilled potential. All my life, I’ve struggled to find my place in the world, a place where I fit in. And…
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Dancing in the rain
Healing isn’t linear. It is uncomfortable and painful, but it is also kind of beautiful. It is a balance between joy and grief. These past few weeks have been some of the most challenging, frustrating, yet clarifying and joyous weeks of my life. Now, if you think that’s a huge contradiction, yes, I’m perfectly aware that it is. But I can’t think of a better way to describe it — between joy and grief. See, about two and a half months ago, covid finally caught up with me. After I had managed to avoid it for the past two and a half years. And partly because of the now limited…
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Moving forward
“The future is uncertain, which is scary. But not as scary as not being true to myself.” I wrote down that sentence as I was trying to gain some perspective on the past few years. I’m at a point in life where neither others nor myself expected me to be right now; I’m 21, yet I do not have a high school diploma. Neither am I at uni, nor do I have a fulltime job and all I want to do is scream my head off, as the outside pressure is building within me. Had you asked me five years ago where I’d be right now, I’d either have said…
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New beginnings
About two months ago, we got some unexpected, yet really exciting news: we’re moving! Because of this, I put everything on the back burner for a while to focus on working on the new apartment and as such, decided to postpone the “official” launch of this blog until now. Our stuff is moved, we’ve handed over the keys to the old place and we’re finally starting to settle into our new place. I’m really happy with how it’s coming along, which means I’m starting to get a little more room to breathe than during the move itself (which was quite stressful). I’ve definitely been keeping busy; painting, assembling furniture, hanging…
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Dreaming of the future
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I can confirm that’s a question you get asked frequently when growing up. Indeed, someone asked me just last week, making it the third time this month. But the answer? “I honestly don’t know…” When I was little I really wanted to be an actress. And I still love acting; when an opportunity presents itself I’ll most certainly get back on stage. But it’s more of a hobby. And I don’t think acting in front of the camera is for me, although I’d never say never, of course. Today I’m not so sure anymore. There are a lot of things…
