My hopes and dreams for 2023

Well, what a year it has been. A year of life lessons; of novelty, changes, sadness and happiness. One big mess, but eye opening nonetheless. For the first time in three years I can actually say that it wasn’t that bad. Even if I don’t have much to show for it (in my mind). And even if I initially struggled to accept it for what it was and eventually became.

It’s funny, compared to 2020 and 2021, it would’ve been much easier to go out and travel. And yet, I only went to France for two weeks and somehow I’m okay with that. At the beginning of the year, I was dreaming big: I wanted to go to the Canary Islands, to Scotland, to Sweden and, most of all, to Australia. Theoretically that should’ve been possible, but in the end this year turned more into listening to my needs than my wants.

At least now I’m happy with where I’m at. Especially compared to before, when I was more obsessed with getting away than anything else. I guess in some ways what I said at the beginning of the year really did come true: as hard as it was, I was able to be flexible and I did sort of manage to make something of the year. Regardless of not being able to do everything I had hoped for. Even if it only dawned on me during this past month, I’m glad it happened anyway.

Perhaps it has something to do with moving house and figuring out what other things to focus on (such as my photography, my writing — even though I haven’t shared much of it — and crocheting). I hope I can hold onto that energy and take it with me going forward.

I can’t quite put into words what it means to be excited to see whatever the new year holds. Though that vagueness might just be my brain fog refusing to let my thoughts wander too much. I’ve been optimistic for the new year before, but the serenity I’m experiencing is different. I’m not sure in what way, I just know that it is.

Of course there are moments when I’m scared that I won’t be able to do the things I long for. That I’ll be so disappointed I’ll fall back into that deep, dark hole. But then I remind myself that just like this year, I’ll find ways around that. I already have a few backup plans in mind in case my main one doesn’t work out. So whether all my dreams will come true or whether I have to find ways around the obstacles, so long as I allow myself to feel sad and take a minute to pick up the pieces, I think I should be good.

Even though I’m still secretly hoping to finally hike the Appalachian Trail next year, it seems less and less feasible. The longer I’m unable to work due to long covid, the less it is likely that I can make it work financially. Though that doesn’t mean I can’t possibly do a section hike. Or finally go to Norway and Sweden, or Scotland, or all — though that might be a little ambitious. Especially if I also want to add new gear to both my hiking and photography kits. In any case, all hope is not lost and things will become clearer once we move further into the new year.

So whilst I may not know what 2023 has in store for me; I do know that wherever I may or may not go, and whatever it is that I end up doing, I hope to be able to say with full conviction that it is something I want and can enjoy. Yes, of course there are things that I wish to accomplish. But as long as the right pieces haven’t quite yet fallen into place, I’m not going to make too big a fuss about it. I want to be sure that it is achievable, because I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment.

I might not be the most flexible when it comes to changing plans, but I’m learning to be a little more so. And that is progress. Dear 2022, thank you. Dear 2023, I’m ready. Happy new year!