Dreaming of the future

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I can confirm that’s a question you get asked frequently when growing up. Indeed, someone asked me just last week, making it the third time this month. But the answer? “I honestly don’t know…”

When I was little I really wanted to be an actress. And I still love acting; when an opportunity presents itself I’ll most certainly get back on stage. But it’s more of a hobby. And I don’t think acting in front of the camera is for me, although I’d never say never, of course.

Today I’m not so sure anymore. There are a lot of things I love doing, but I’m scared I’ll lose my passion if it becomes something that’s obligatory.

I really love writing, for example. And I’d love to publish a novel someday. But what of becoming a [full time] writer? I don’t know if I want to. I do know now that I really like blogging and I would like to continue that for as long as possible. In this case, I guess you could say I do want to be a writer. As long as I have the power to decide when I’m writing and what I’m writing about.

I also have a passion for palaeontology. I find fossils incredibly interesting and I’d very much like to do research on the evolution of birds by looking at the similarities between a bird skeleton and the fossilised remains of an archaeopteryx or a theropod like a velociraptor.

As of right now, I’m just in a phase where feel like I’m done with school and I don’t know if I can jump right into years of studying after I graduate. Although I know for sure that this is what I want to study when I decide I want to go to university. But even then, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get a job as a palaeontologist, as there aren’t that many jobs out there in the field of palaeontology. In any case, you’re a biologist or geologist first. It’ll always be a hobby of mine though, if it doesn’t work out.

And the list goes on…

For now, I’d much rather like to [pack my bags and] travel the world. I don’t know for how long exactly, but it’d have to be for at least two years.

Traveling through Europe, Asia, Oceania, and North and South America, with only a backpack – filled with just the essentials. To be free, without any obligations. I think that sounds terrific! I want to enjoy all the beautiful things the world has to offer. It’s my dream to hike amazing trails, to be camping all alone, in the middle of nowhere, to enjoy other cultures, other cuisines, instead of reading about them in books, I dream of meeting new people and of making friends. But above all, I dream of discovering true happiness.

I know what it’s like to be unhappy, to feel sad, not being able to enjoy things you used to love, how awful it can be to feel worthless and unseen, so I want to change my life and I just want to focus on myself for a moment. I want to be happy, to get to know myself better. That’s the only thing I’m sure of. And I think I can get closer to myself and discover what I really want by traveling and pushing my boundaries.

I know one thing for sure though; an office job from 9 to 5 isn’t for me. I can’t restrict myself to the same routine, every day. That thought alone sends chills down my spine. Maybe it works for others – which is great – but I’d much rather do something creative or go on an adventure.

Maybe it sounds a bit naive, or improvident, or exciting, or fascinating – to leave everything behind you, with a backpack as your only possession – maybe it’s a little bit too adventurous (or happy-go-lucky) for some. But it’s my biggest dream. A dream which I plan on realising sometime soon.

Next month, I’m going to hike the Trekvogelpad (which is the longest Dutch hiking trail, spanning over 400 KM) and next year I hope to hike the E2 path.

So what do I want to be when I grow up? A writer? A palaeontologist, maybe? An adventurer? Or an actress after all? I have absolutely no clue. Maybe I’ll never be 100% sure. But I don’t care. As long as I enjoy what I’m doing, I’m happy.

♥